Incompetent "Hero" Allows Crooks to Walk

I know you've read my opinion on Acrobot before, but the latest outrage (detailed exclusively on the front page of this very paper) makes it clear that I need to restate my case: some people are simply not cut out to be superheroes. And certainly among those people is Kyle Coleman.

We all know the story of the unfortunate young Mr. Coleman: unfortunate enough to be rendered quadriplegic in a high-wire mishap (that he claims, without ever producing any evidence, was the result of sabotage by person or persons unknown), but fortunate enough to be the Nephew of the brilliant scientist Jack "King" Coleman, who performed a highly unethical but ultimately successful brain transplant on the boy into what might have been the prototype for a new generation of robotic soldiers. This may have given him strength and agility beyond human capabilities, but it did not give him any skill or talent in law enforcement, or in anything beyond leaping around and grandstanding, as this morning's outing proves.

And so, as a result of this mechanical gadfly's incompetence, the new Scarab King and his hopped-up goons have managed to rob the First National Bank of Cosmopolis and escape with their ill-gotten gains, doubtless to finance their dope-peddling corruption of the city. The young Acrobot is, of course, too young to remember how bad things got when the first Scarab King ran the Cosmopolis underworld, until a real hero, the Ruthless Cosmopolitan, put a .44-caliber end to his reign of crime. It is at times like these that the city most feels the loss of that great man, not seen since his mysterious disappearance in 1992.

There is a rumor, being spread among various insiders in our fair city, that the Acrobot was actually being considered for membership in the Fearless Friends of Freedom. We can only hope that this latest embarrassment, in which it is only due to sheer luck that no innocents were harmed, has put a permanent end to those plans, and that the FFF will maintain its legendary high standards.

-Editorial by Frank Cooper

See Also:
Fearless Friends of Freedom
Ruthless Cosmopolitan, The

This is an ABC entry in the Cosmopolis Lexicon

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